The Transition to Natural Game
Natural Game: How to Transition to a Free-Flowing Approach to the Game
I've met my share of brothers from the community. After sarging with
them and watching them in the field, I have seen the same exact things
over and over. They all run nearly the exact type of game, and have
the same problems. I am not criticizing other people's models, I am
just providing a analysis of the EFFECT that these models are having
on the bulk of the people I meet. I would estimate about 90% of random
community guys I've met fall into this category. Again I emphasize
that it is not an inherent flaw in the traditional ASF models, but
more how people are interpreting these models, along with other factors
related to societal conditioning.
This post will serve to help transition those people who are interested
from a "nerd-like" entertainment frame to a smooth natural game
approach which is inherently more seductive and effective particularly
in endgame.
I have not posted anything advanced in a short while, and Natural Game
is the culmination of the past few months of my work. Enjoy!
Contents:
- The two fundamental elements of a pickup.
- The difference between techniques, mindsets and beliefs.
- A paradigm shift for ASF models. A full analysis of pop-ASF game
vs. natural game.
- Design the frame for endgame
- The Continuous Flow of Action
1. The Two Fundamental Elements Required for Conscious and Deliberate
Pickup.
Any active pickup where the man decides who he wants, approaches
her and consciously moves the interaction to sex requires only two
things.
They are:
- Strong and unwavering belief that the girl wants him
- An interactive context which can lead to isolation
The great part about this is that any context will work. This represents
the differences between all of the methods you see here on ASF:
Be it Gunwitch with his strong rapport assumption and ordinary conversation,
or be it Mystery's routines which fit into a precise and linear
system. They are both just interactive contexts which can lead to
isolation. The true firepower, however is the set of beliefs driving
the context.
The reason why there is so much focus on context, is because it
is something that can be learned quickly. It's very easy to learn
a few jokes and tell a few stories and memorize a few openers. Internalizing
good beliefs on the other hand, usually takes months or even years.
So you will see some guys on here telling us to ignore the belief
/ inner game stuff and just develop a strong context. While it may
be beneficial to develop a really strong context, we must take care
that our execution of techniques isn't inhibiting the growth of
good beliefs or installing limiting ones.
The fastest route to mastery is to continue developing strong beliefs
and at the same time become familiar with a variety of contexts
-- get a lot of experience under your belt. Adopt a really great
inner game program, and then go into the field and work your techniques.
Learn to handle as many tough situations as possible - large sets,
daytime isolation, amogs, direct approaches, etc. Realize it can
take quite some time before your beliefs make a significant enough
change such that you achieve the kind of success you're really after.
2. Techniques, Mindsets, Beliefs and how they are related.
On the most superficial level, we have techniques. A technique
is something that you say or do while interacting with a woman.
We all have a great deal of conscious control over which techniques
we use. On the flipside, techniques are the least effective part
of who you are and quite useless without the deeper levels mindsets
and beliefs.
At the very deepest level, we have our beliefs. Beliefs determine
your reality, and are shaped by your identity. Unlike techniques,
we have very little conscious control over our beliefs. They are
so far below the surface of our awareness that it is nearly impossible
to change them at will. There are probably zen monks who can consciously
affect their beliefs on command, but then again, those guys aren't
trying to learn to pick up women on an internet chat board -- to
the best of my knowledge, anyway.
Now what most people ignore, are the mindsets behind the techniques.
This is the frame through which we deliver our techniques. A mindset
determines the internal dialogue that you experience throughout
the pickup. A mindset can be applied to a group of techniques, and
a group of mindsets is what makes up a belief.
It simplifies your pickup by redirecting your focus of attention.
Instead of remembering 20 different technical details, you just
have one mental focus - a specific mindset.
Mindsets are easier to change than beliefs, but not as easy to
learn as techniques. Exerting conscious control over your mindsets
is the most effective way to affect your inner game, since they
are in direct contact with your belief system.
Example of a mindset:
Take the c+f line "Whoah, pointy shoes! They're nice, but
I feel sorry for the little elf you stole them from, who's now running
around barefoot."
You can deliver the line with the mindset "She's hot so I
have to show her I'm indifferent / not impressed by her, so she
thinks I'm better than her." -or- you can deliver the line
with the mindset "I care about this woman, I'm enjoying the
interaction, and I am joking with her to make her laugh and feel
good."
Obviously the latter is more effective, as the former will come
off insecure. Despite the fact that you are saying the same words,
because you are using two different states of mind, you'll get two
dramatically different results. Not only will your results be worse,
but carrying the former mindset around will only do harm to your
belief system. It presupposes LOWER VALUE and lack of attraction.
No good.
The end goal is to change your beliefs, since they will ultimately
have the greatest effect on your game. Simple repetition of techniques
without the proper mindsets or with incorrect mindsets will do damage
to your belief system. You need to adopt great mindsets to insure
proper development of a belief system.
3. ASF Paradigm Shift.
The traditional model in use by the majority of ASFers I've met
is the following:
- Assume that girls must be "hooked" in order to be interested
in you. (Sometimes true to varying degrees)
- Approach with prepared opinion opener designed to engage girls, meanwhile feigning disinterest
- Assume since you're approaching her, she's automatically more valuable,
so...
- Go right into story to in order to display higher value,
which will generate the attraction which was previously not present.
- Continue to tell stories, tease girls until you get clear indication
of interest.
- Phase shift into "rapport / comfort" which
consists of ordinary conversation, dropping the personality she
was interested in initially.
- Bait her into qualifying herself to
you, and no matter what she says, SOI her for that. (This step ain't
so bad)
- Isolate and escalate. (This one isn't either :)
Six Common Sticking Points in Execution of the Traditional Model
Sticking Point #1.
The first problem with this approach is that people mouth canned
openers without a context for them. Style had an entire post dedicated
to this point alone, so I won't go into detail here. (Rooting -
problem with the who lies more opener)
If you want to use opinion openers either: A. Genuinely care about
the topic. -or- B. Make sure it's obvious that the opinion opener
is just an excuse to talk to her. (In this case, ask it and then
quickly change topics)
Sticking Point #2.
Secondly, guys spend hours and hours on this website, learning
material, preparing a routine stack which is designed to engage
girls. These guys go out of their way to learn these girly topics
of conversation which the majority of us aren't really interested
in, just to get female attention. And then on top of that, they
pretend that they aren't really interested in fucking the girls!
Then, the moment they "stack&" these girly openers and
DHV's, she's CONVINCED they want something and she knows exactly
what they are up to. Feigning disinterest now becomes highly incongruent.
I mean seriously. To go out of your way to learn girly topics of
conversation, just to have permission to talk to chicks is SUPPLICATION.
Entering a females reality just so we can talk to her for a few
minutes with the hopes of fucking her is ridiculous!
Here's an analogy. What if a girl went out of her way to learn
all about sports or cars or (insert masculine topic here), even
though she didn't really like or understand these things - just
so she could relate to guys in conversation? This girl doesn't really
care about these things, but is pretending to, and spending hours
and hours on the internet learning about them, just so she has permission
to talk to guys. Does this telegraph that she has an interesting
life? Is she telegraphing that she is a valued commodity? NO! Exactly
the opposite. If a girl like this came up to me, and talked about
things that interested me, I might engage her for a bit, but would
I be ATTRACTED TO HER? Hell no. Now what if she kept changing subjects
and kept desperately trying to find something I wanted to talk about...
would that make me more likely to find her interesting?
It may appear to work marvelously because it gets new guys into
set, because now they are actually talking to girls whereas previously
they stood there and did nothing, having absolutely zero context.
But the majority of people reading this do not need that kind of
content to be interesting to women. Learning girly topics of conversation
WILL get you to open more sets consistently - but it's under an
entertainment / girlfriend frame, and while things will seem great
that night, she will be almost guaranteed to flake. You won't get
laid.
I've questioned SHBs (after I've slept with them and they're more
honest) about this. These are girls who go out and are almost always
the hottest girls in the club, wherever they go. This is what one
of them told me:
"Yeah sometimes we talk to guys out of pity. If a guy seems
really weird or is dressed gay or something, we'll talk to him just
so we can laugh about him later. It's fun. He thinks he's getting
somewhere, but then at the end we run away from him laughing."
Girls will talk to sufficiently weird enough guys who "seem
gay" for THEIR OWN ENTERTAINMENT. This is a fact, and very
common with hot girls. They will sit there and eye code each other,
loving it, not because they are sexually attracted, but OUT OF PITY.
Don't design your game so that you are becoming this type of guy.
Sure you are opening more sets, but it's for the wrong reason.
Sticking Point #3.
Demonstrating Higher Value. The reason why this is detrimental
once again goes back to the mindset behind it. Feeling the need
to demonstrate higher value is the same feeling that an AFC has
when he starts bragging about his job or car or girls he's banging.
Sure, you are using a more sophisticated technique, but the mindset
and beliefs behind it are EXACTLY THE SAME.
Never go out of your way to demonstrate higher value. Assume higher
value! You're the fucking man! You have higher value automatically!
I tell plenty of stories in set, but I do it for fun, because I'm
having fun doing it -- not with the intent of "proving myself"
to the girl.
Sticking Point #4.
It is impossible to fake disinterest 100% of the time. Even if
you memorize 5 stories, 3 teases and absolutely MASTER the backturn,
it doesn't matter because you'll fail the next test she throws at
you. Women are CONTINUALLY testing guys they are attracted to, and
most of it doesn't fit a predetermined pattern -- IT's NONVERBAL.
I get tested all the time by women. They're thinking "Who the
fuck does he think he is, this skinny little fucker... I'm gonna
see if he's for real. I hope he's not wasting my time." So
they have to test you. They don't want to fuck some ingenuine guy
that faked the first 10 minutes really well. You have got to be
the real deal through and through, my friend. And faking any more
than you can back up, will just insight more intense tests which
you are bound to fail.
Don't fake disinterest unless you can back it up 100%.
Sticking Point #5.
Relying on IOI's in order feel like it's *on*, instead of assuming
attraction. Thinking too much and calculating your behavior based
on watching for IOI's. Don't wait around for IOI's before feeling
good about the sarge. Her interest will be based on your vibe anyway,
and if your vibe is dependent on watching for predetermined IOI's,
then you are leaving it up to chance.
Let's face it, most IOI's that people look for are pretty ordinary
behaviors that women exhibit when you talk to them anyway. Some
of the popular one's I've heard are:
She asks you where you're from - This is one of the most common
pieces of smalltalk when you're first getting to know each other.
She may be asking you this just to be friendly, it doesn't mean
she wants to fuck you.
She touches you - women are actually more likely to touch you if
they aren't as attracted to you, as a way of playing with you. If
a woman senses extremely high value, and is a bit intimidated, she
is less likely to touch you. She is also less likely to touch you
first if you are very direct. Of course, if you don't even have
a chance, she won't touch you at all. Either way, unreliable as
an IOI.
Remember, one of the two things necessary in pickup is the belief
that the girl wants you. It may be difficult to believe at first
but keep reminding yourself of this, and train yourself to see *everything*
she does as an IOI. Is she looking at you when you talk? It's on.
Is she contributing to the conversation? It's on. Is she standing
in your physical proximity? It's ON!
Sticking Point #6.
Dropping the personality that initially attracted her as a part
of a "phase shift", mistakenly thinking it takes X amount
of time to attract a woman, or feeling the need to "transition
into" X,Y or Z.
It sounds like three different points, but really they all stem
from the same type of beliefs and mindsets. They come from leftover
society programming like "It takes a long time for women to
become attracted." or "Men have to earn a woman's attention
and attraction."
If you do actually do well to convey a fun personality to a chick
in the first few moments of meeting her, such that she is attracted
to you, you should maintain that same fun personality while getting
to know her better and deepening your connection. Intersperse your
c+f and playfullness with your rapport. But at all costs, stay congruent
and do not become someone else entirely.
On the flip side, do not stay in a perpetual attraction stage where
you are running material for the upwards of 10 - 20 minutes. That
is WAY too long. If you use a couple of fun pieces to open a set,
and they respond well to that, they have already made a positive
judgement of you. Keep it light on the material and rely more on
sharing positive energy with the set, and particularly your target.
Also a lot of people believe that you need a 'transition' to do
certain things - especially kinesthetic related actions like touching,
kissing, and cavemanning. You do not need a transition for these
types of things. You just need to do them with the full certainty
that she will enjoy it. Decide what you are going to do, and do
it like you mean it.
Natural Game.
If you're going to make the transition to natural game, start out
simple. It takes some getting used to, and requires attention on
a couple of different levels. It may seem awkward at first, especially
if you are use to the traditional indirect game model discussed
above. But if you work with it and gain even just a baseline competence,
you will:
- Improve your closing rate, avoiding 'sexless frames'
- Reduce your flaking
- Focus more on the interaction and enjoying the process
- Allow your true attractive personality to bloom
- Develop an incredible belief system
If you would still prefer an indirect type of approach based on
routines and canned material, it would surely be beneficial to implement
these mindsets anyway, along with correcting all of the previously
mentioned sticking points. It can do nothing but improve your results.
Of course there are some differences that some may consider to
be drawbacks:
- Her initial impression of you becomes increasingly important and
is predominantly visual and auditory based. This doesn't mean you
have to be good looking, but it does mean you need a tight "image"
including style, bodylanguage, tonality and facial expressions.
She is going to size you up based on your energy and vibe, and will
interpret everything you say through that filter.
- There is no more masking insecurities behind indirect techniques.
You will be forced to confront your limiting beliefs head on, and
handle them once and for all. I actually think this is an advantage,
but it may be scary for some people to confront their deepest fears
and depend on their core identity to attract women. Guys with self-hatred
issues and poor self image may shy from this type of thing, telling
themselves it would never work, despite the fact that it is the
solution to all of their problems.
- -Your opening percentage will be lower. You will get blown out
faster from certain sets. You can persist on these, but it is likely
that they would have not led to anything anyway. In this way, it
acts as an efficiency screen and which saves you from wasting your
time.
A Model for Natural Game:
- Assume Attraction, adopt mindset that you are going use your
personality to make her feel great.
- Open direct. This includes
direct compliments on her beauty or remarks about the environment,
or even a simple "Hi." If you are still hesitant to use
direct openers, ask her for an opinion that you're actually curious
about. Your opening bodylanguage MUST be congruent to your intentions.
- Go directly to a vibing / rapport type of interaction. Be playful
with her and get to know her. If you tell stories, make sure they're
fun, and not meant to impress her. Lead the interaction via a continuous
flow of action. (explained below)
- Lead smoothly and confidently
to escalation. This could mean you instadate her, venuechange her
or close her.
- Repeat steps 3 and 4, until you isolate and fuck
her.
This is a very simple structure, but it's effectiveness depends
on the mindsets in the next section.
4. Designing the Frame for Endgame
Natural game is based more on mindsets than anything else. Adopt
the mindsets, and allow the techniques to flow. You will find yourself
inventing your own tips and tricks and posting them on here for
others to check out.
Mindsets are essential to any game, particularly one with minimal
structure such as the Naturalized Seduction Model.
Mindsets for Natural Game
Approach:
The game starts before you walk up. A woman's impression of you
is largely determined by what she sees before you open your mouth
- that combined with the impression you make on her in the first
few seconds upon opening. People have a tendency to generalize the
type of person you are as fast as possible, which makes everything
in the beginning very influential on the remainder of the interaction.
I think that it is often downplayed how important it is to have
a very strong visual image based on your style, dress and bodylanguage.
You will hear girls often saying 'he was cute so I talked to him'
or 'he was cute so I let my girlfriend stay and talk to him'. Do
NOT underestimate the impression you are making visually. We talk
all the time on here about it being a limiting belief that you do
not need to be handsome, but that does NOT apply to your style,
overall grooming and bodylanguage. This stuff is vital.
One of the reasons why I avoid opinion openers is because of the
subtle frame of *needing something from someone*. Sometimes I think
they are about a half step up from a person in the mall asking you
for a few moments to fill out a survey -- very unromantic and asexual.
This is just me however, and I do know a few guys who use them with
great success because of their high consistency of opening. It is
a matter of preference, I suppose but I like to start the romantic
vibe from the very instant I walk up. I don't give up any power
by needing someone's opinion - the girl's #1 objective is to IMPRESS
ME from the very start.
Teasing, C+F, Busting:
Some people don't like to combine this type of thing with their
direct game. To me, this is one of the best parts about direct game.
I love teasing and busting on girls. The beauty is, if you are running
a direct game, she KNOWS you're just playing with her.
The way I like to think about it is 'floating' your indirect tech
(c+f, MCR, busting, push/pull) above a very solid and confident
direct vibe. That is you are vibing direct with your bl, facial
expressions, warm tonality, but at the same time having fun with
her. You are making her feel good through humor because you enjoy
her.
Affecting her Emotions:
It is a well known fact that we should engage girls on an emotional
level. Touch her emotions. Trigger her emotions, yet people are
still confused about how to actually do this. You don't 'talk about
emotions' with her. You cause her to experience different emotions
through a variety of ways. Off the top of my head I can think of:
- Displaying your emotions through facial expression and tonality
when you tell stories
- Talking about your passions, let's her have
a taste of your potential emotions directed toward her
- Being unpredictable,
her uncertainty will cause emotional response in her
- Creating situations
where she experiences an emotion (ex. SOI'ing her and then not calling
her for a few days - she's ecstatic, and then curious and scared)
Logistics:
There is no set structure to pick-up. We are artists, remember?
You are creating the experience for her so that it is unique. It's
fine to follow a predictable structure at the lower levels, but
it's like a kata in martial arts. When it comes down to real world
situations, while having a loose structure you must adapt and improvise
in an aesthetic way. Take pride in your work and create a wonderful
EXPERIENCE for the woman. Give her the fantasy. Allow her dreams
to come true. Be that man she's been waiting for.
Closing / Venuechanging:
The state of mind you should have when interacting with a chick
should be one of 'relaxed and relished certainty'. Don't rush things.
Don't 'watch' for IOI's. In other words, you shouldn't be dependent
on her, or too reactive to her. Imagine being a hunter with a high
powered rifle, and you're hunting a dear in some enclosed space.
You know that any moment you CAN kill the dear - but instead you
choose to relax and enjoy the experience because of that certainty.
You continue to relish in the experience, enjoy the chase, and do
it when at the absolute perfect moment. It also reminds me of having
some kind of dessert or maybe a delicious bottle of champagne that
you could open at any moment and enjoy, but you put it off, because
you're enjoying the anticipation so much. Treat closing a woman
exactly the same as these types of moments. Enjoy your interaction
with her being 100% certain that it will lead where you want it
to later on.
5. The Continuous Flow of Action
One thing I am realizing over and over again:
*The time factor is completely irrelevant to pickup.*
Time is usually a huge limiting belief for most people. People
generally feel that girls need some quantity of time in order to:
- become attracted
- become comfortable
- leave a venue with you
- provide
contact information that won't flake
- become turned on
This again, is leftover society programming. Let go of the need
to make pickup difficult or complicated. In some ways it is kinda
complex, but release the desire to make it so.
My flaking ratio is very good. Not 100% perfect, but pretty damn
close. The average time it takes for me to get a non-flaking phone
number is between 30 seconds and 5 minutes. No more - it's just
not necessary. Let me explain why:
After a first meeting, she is going to walk away with some kind
of impression - a memory of the encounter. Now the way the mind
works, is that it distorts time around really strong impressions.
We remember each event as a series of mental pictures and sounds
with varying intensities. The intensity is determined by the emotions
present at the time, and how rare or scarce those emotions are.
If you walk up to her like no man ever has, and completely rock
her world for a few moments, thrilling her with your masculine vibe,
she will never forget you!
Thinking back to the encounter, it's very hard to determine time
objectively. She's not thinking "Well, he walked up, and said
a few things to me, but only stayed and talked for 3 minutes. I
don't think I should meet with him - that's not enough time."
What she is thinking is "Wow, this guy came up to me, and he
was amazing. It was so romantic and seemed so right. He was cute,
charming, and he made me feel so good. I can't wait to see him again!"
Only do what you need to create a strong impression on her - and
that impression is completely time-independent. It is more based
on:
- Visual Impression / Identity, bodylanguage, style, facial expressions
- Auditory Impression - tonality, pacing and rhythm
- Emotional Content - vibe, connection, expression of emotion
Continuous Flow of Action:
The Continuous Flow of Action is a fancy way of explaining 'smoothness',
and it achieves a couple different things:
- Let's you take the lead
and control the encounter
- Allows her logical mind to shut off
- Let's
her trust you and feel comfortable immediately
- Makes everything
seem 'right' and natural
A continuous flow of action is best described by a LACK of the
following things:
- weird pauses and indecision
- hesitation
- waiting
- looking for approval or other responses (IOI's)
- overanalysis
- overthinking
While you should not do these things, it is even more important
that SHE does not do these things. In order to achieve a continuous
flow of action, you need a minimal structure, quick responses and
a lot of confidence. I will illustrate with a few examples.
Cold Approach (Assuming time is important)
- Guy walks up, delivers opener goes into story.
- Girl reacts positively.
- Guy feels he needs more attraction, goes into another story, irrelevant
to first one.
- Girl reacts positively again.
- Guy waits, thinks of what to do next.
- Guy starts getting some rapport, asks questions.
- Guy waits some more thinking he needs more time for a solid close.
- Guy asks some more questions, unsure if she's attracted enough,
looking for IOI's.
- Girl is confused about his lack of confidence and doesn't understand
his true intentions so says she's gotta go.
- Guy tries last ditch effort and attempts to close.
- Girl doesn't give number, because she's being congruent with step
9.
Cold Approach (Continuous Flow of Action)
- Guy walks up, delivers opener goes into story.
- Girl reacts positively.
- Without hesitation, guy immediately starts to connect, asking basic
questions. (School, work, etc)
- Guy teases a bit about her answers.
- Guy realizes he doesn't have much to say, so gets to the point.
- Guy says "Well I'm off to meet some friends, but let's do coffee
sometime."
- Because guy is clear and confident, girl agrees, solid close.
Back to your place (Assuming time is important)
- Guy walks girl into his place.
- Girl sits down on couch, guy does also.
- Guy thinks about what routine he needs to spike BT.
- Guy starts spouting non-sequitur routine to give her time to be
turned on.
- Girl confused, closes up a bit.
- Guy not seeing IOI's, waits, thinks of another routine, starts to
deliver it.
- Girl gets up and says she has to go.
Back to your place (Continuous Flow of Action)
- Guy walks girl to his place.
- Guy tells girl to take her shoes off.
- Guy sits her in front of the tv, and turns it on.
- Guy goes to fridge and prepares 2 glasses of red wine.
- Guy comes back and toasts to good times.
- Guy tells short joke, girl laughs.
- Guy goes for kiss.
The idea is that you provide her with instructions at every point
and make it clear how she should respond. Intentions are always
clear, actions are always confident and calculated. The man knows
the entire plan from point A to point B, and always assumes she's
ready to go. No hesitation, no indecisiveness. This is truly what
attracts women - much much more than *any* canned material. Her
emotions are engaged 150% on overdrive. You are putting her IN THE
ROMANCE NOVEL.
Vincent DiCarlo
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